Gay?

Tuesday, April 27th, 2010

Greetings. So for the most part, today was uneventful: Rec Center Girl wasn't at the rec center this morning, and it was a 'dead day' today at UAB so there weren't too many people around. However, that doesn't mean nothing happened. Today's "Potential Progression" will feature (brace yourself) a... MAN! That's right, a dude with a dick. He claimed to not be gay, but as you'll see, he ain't foolin' nobody. But before we get into that, I have one more story. Earlier today, I was crossing University Blvd. and as I passed these two mildly attractive females, one girl turned to the other and said (I swear on my life), "I really need to take a shit." Now if that doesn't get your penis hard, I don't know what will. With that said, let's get into today's:

Potential Progression

Not-Gay-but-Totally-Queer Guy: male, fashionable, feminine, extremely gay-looking, did I mention he was a dude? Alright so here's the rundown: I went over to West Homewood to watch my brother play baseball, and when I get to the stands I see my mom talking with this man. I indirectly knew the man from some previous occasions and was 99.99999% positive he was gay. Here's a word-for-word exchange between the three of us...
Mom: This is my son, John.
Man: Oh what a good-looking dude. (I must have blushed)
Mom: And he's available.
Man: (with hint of flirty sarcasm) Oh, I'm not gay, honey.
Me: [insert awkward chuckle]

Right after that, Mom tells me that she has brought me a Twix. After hearing mom say this, the man grabs my wrists and puts my arms behind my back and says, "Oh that's my Twix! Give it to me!" I'm not positive, but I'm guessing he's into BDSM (for the normal people out there that's Bondage, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism). After freeing myself from his girly grip (think limp wrists), the three of us went up into the stands to watch the game. Let's just say he was really interested in my life and interests. After about fifteen minutes, I had to go. When I got up to leave, he looked at me and said, "Be good now." Without skipping a beat, I turned to him and mouthed, "I'm bad." I'm no psychic, but I'm pretty confident he creamed his pants.
Looking back, I guess it's a good thing that some people (ok, more like some guys) think I'm attractive. That's all I have to say - don't want people getting the wrong idea about my orientation.
RESULT: SHAME

This experience made me ask myself, "John, who would you go gay for?" My answer: David Bromstad. If you don't know David, he's the host of HGTV's ColorSplash. Google him, but you've been warned - he's "thuper hawt!" My question for the readers is who would you go gay (or straight) for? Brad Pitt is not an acceptable answer.

Thanks for reading,

- JJ